


Cola Chuckin'

by mandapandamar



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I let Shane say fuck, Shane has a bad day, Sometimes Hicks just gotta toss stuff into a river, honestly what else is new, slight language warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:29:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandapandamar/pseuds/mandapandamar
Summary: Ever wonder why you always catch perfectly good Joja Colas when you go fishing? Yeah, this is probably why.Brought to you by a conversation with my roommate, as we pondered the answer to this exact question.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Cola Chuckin'

Shane had a particularly awful day at work. 

For starters, Caroline came in demanding a refund on some product she could have just as easily taken from her own shelves, and Shane had to deal with her middle-aged fury when he told her they couldn't refund flour that'd already been used. His usual lunch of a frozen pizza was still cold in the middle when it came out of the microwave, and his Joja Cola was flat. 

He slipped on a puddle from Sam’s mop and bucket and twisted his ankle, and Morris refused to let him go to the clinic for treatment. 

“Are you kidding!?” Morris shouted, turning instantly red in the face. “Then I have to pay for it! You're fine, Shane, walk it off.” 

Then, that bespectacled bastard forced him to stay late to stock shelves! It wasn't Shane's fault the truck was late; it could've waited until the next day.

But all bad days (fortunately) eventually come to an end, and when Shane was done, he limped over to the time clock and punched out. On his way out the door, he grabbed some groceries: the regular accoutrements of a couple frozen pizzas, a box of frozen pepper poppers, two cases of beer, and a case of Joja Cola. He unceremoniously dumped his purchases on the belt, handed Tiffany some gold, and started his way back home, trudging through the middle of town, grumbling underneath his breath. He really hoped that farmer didn't come around. Aiden was sweet, but Shane really didn't want to deal with him tonight.

He made his way through the southern part of town, then along the dirt road leading to his aunt’s ranch. He pushed open the door, and was met with an onslaught of over-concern.

“Shane! Where have you been!?”

God, why couldn't people just get off his back!? He was an adult! He could do what he wanted! Shane groaned and rolled his eyes as he shoved his frozen things in the freezer and stashed a case of beer in the fridge. He held on to the other case of beer and the case of cola, though, and headed out the door.

“Shane, where are you going?”

“Out!”

And he left.

He hefted his beverages down to the river where he could be alone, cracked open a beer, and downed it in record time. It was cold and refreshing, and it tasted like another. And another. And another.

Pretty soon, Shane had finished half a case of beer, and boy was he feeling it. He looked down at the matching case of Joja Cola and glared at it, ripping the cardboard open and pulling out a can. He tossed the can into the air and caught it, before chucking it as hard as he could into the river. 

That felt...oddly good.

He grabbed another can and wound his arm back. “How’s  _ this _ for a refund, Caroline?” he shouted at no one in particular as he launched the can through the air. “Next time just take the stupid flour off your own shelf!”

He picked up another can. “And this is for that stupid shitty microwave!” He threw the can underhand this time, smirking as it hit the water and sunk to the bottom.

“And Sam. Clean up all your damn water next time!” Yet another can went hurdling through the air before meeting its watery grave.

He looked down at the remainder of the case and picked up the whole thing. “And this one's for you, Morris! You fucking prick!” He took the case and tossed it with both hands. It didn't fly very far, but the splash it made as the box hit the water was  _ glorious _ . Shane threw his hands in the air and let out a loud whoop of joy, before losing his balance and falling flat on his ass. 

He laughed there for a moment before eventually standing up, grabbing his remaining beer, and stumbling back home.


End file.
